It's always darkest before the dawn

Time to get Serious.
I remembered that I have this app on my phone, Japan Radio. So I'm going to listen to this little NHK broadcast every day. They were talking about snowfall totals, the Olympics and stocks.

The following morning...

Now wondering whether I ought to have changed my layout after all. I can always go back and forth.
I am despairing a wee bit. I could not find the NHK broadcast from yesterday. They seem to only load ones from the past 24 hours! I searched the menus and found one that was 古い, but it was only for ordering the current list by most to least recent, for today. I needed more practice and I was understanding that one. XD;; The current lineup for today (of which there are several!) includes some unknown vocabulary and I am just sitting here like, how am I supposed to improve lol. Yuzuru, help me. I have been looking at his skating videos and the copious gif and photo sets on Tumblr for moral support, just for life in general.

So I was Committed and ordering books and taking this Seriously, which I still am and fully accepting that I might not get an outside job for a bit or that rather I should not focus on it so much as get the translation up and running. I know all too well that necessity is the mother of invention etc etc. So of course, last night as I was pondering bed, I see an e-mail in my inbox! Alison at the café in town that I applied to back in December(!) wants to interview me for the asst mngr position! I have until Wednesday (thank fuck) to get my appearance et al together. I have not exactly been dressing up these past few months what with COVID. It is not like an Office but at the same time...
It is not as if I am not dressed nicely, albeit casually. Pretty much living in a bizarre combo of addidas track pants and button-ups cause I cannot bring myself to be too casual. *sigh*
I am not at all complaining! At the very least, it is ego-boosting and gratifying to know that someone actually values my experience and appreciated my cover letter enough to contact me! I am grateful, though I am wary of its interfering with my studies and my main purpose(s) which are to start a translation business, do translating work and to write. I am pretty sure that it is not FT from what I read on the advertisement weeks ago.

This is just hilariously typical. Like Ralph says, when you don't feel like you want or need something or you are not begging, you get what you want(ed). XD I, of course, do not know how it will turn out. Perhaps she will not even like me? We shall see. I have plenty of time to prepare at least which is a relief and in the meantime, I can study my arse off, secure in the knowledge that I am covering all of my bases! I was just making a vlog yesterday where I was speaking my intentions for this year and where I hope to be in a few months time and this is pretty cool. The energies seem to be all aligning into a discernible pattern at last. <333 Thank you!!!

Oh, and I filed my taxes, at last.👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

( Semi-Gratuitous Yuzuru Pic )

This place should really come first in my thoughts when I need to write things, vent a little, or just babble about my life. And lately, it hasn't. I used to rely on it back when I was super isolated from my fellows. I am feeling a bit like that again. So here I am.

These cycles have become too short, too abrupt, and too reactionary for me. Is it any wonder that people sometimes stick like glue to those who don't really serve them any more when everyone else seems either unreachable or to pass through their lives with alarming rapidity? Just because a thing is stable, does not make it good, especially if that is the only thing to recommend it. It is so obvious and yet I've reached the first part of that observation only because I am typing it here where I can see it. Hmm.
And what happened to writing in here in order to help me with NaNo? I am leaving a tab open for this site . It's probably why I had it open before, to be honest.

I am looking through my more recent "outline" notes, and then looking through the Scrivener file and holy moly, there is so much going on and I feel like it is going to be quite a job just moving it all into a working template. >_<;; But I have to do it. I cannot fly by the seat of my pants, even a little. There is just far too much going on. I am wondering how many hours this will take. I probably should not be pondering it in those terms. It is necessary. When would be a reasonable deadline for this? The weekend? Then I can try to catch up with word count this weekend while it is storming outside. Storming. *__*

I started this dreamwidth several years ago as a dumping ground for a story, then a couple of years later, was hijacked by another, somewhat related. It evolved massively. I wrote a bit of it during NaNo 2013. Finished NaNo, but only made it a quarter of the way through the story. It evolved and altered nearly as much if not more. Then I felt myself being called back to the earlier one, set in the same basic time frame.

I was sifting through images and had a massive brainwave that is serving to solidify the first one. Been getting that lately, but what a flood this afternoon! I've sort of been working on them at the same time.

Please, brain, behave. I need to write like I need air right now.

I don't have outside work today, so I am trying to sort my life. It has been a bit difficult to focus in the recent past, but I think that things are getting better again. Ohhh, how lovely would it be if this Summer was a magical, productive Summer like two years ago. I intend to take advantage of the momentum to complete original projects and writing, though fic is quite fun. I do write every day, a lot of it nonsense, but it'd be nice to complete something coherent.

Perhaps I should assign myself drabbles, like writing exercises that force me to focus a bit and then adopt and expand on bits that would work in the story(ies). Whatever I write, no matter how random, it tends to remind me of what I have yet to finish and sort of winds up there, in that universe, for lack of a better word. It is not a sci-fi story, sort of fantasy. But I suppose all books are their own universe.

Becoming a little more active again. Let's see how it goes. I miss journaling and talking to you folks awfully.

My recent acquisition:



After pondering it for two years or more, I finally did it! A relative went halfsies on it!

I really wanted to practice this evening, but everyone is about and it is Hump Day and my practice mute is not yet here. It arrives tomorrow. I can avoid scratchiness, believe it or not, and produce a pretty nice even tone, but who in their right mind wants to listen to me playing open strings over and over and over, even with slight rhythmic variations? I am getting better at differentiating and not unintentionally slurring or playing a two string chord. Still. STILL. Repetition is necessary, but a bit annoying for the outside listener. As it is, I wear ear muffs while I play because the volume is a bit much. I was surprised by how loud it is. It is lovely though.

Watched the pilot for Season 10 of Doctor Who. I might be foolish, but I am giving it a chance. I liked how Clara became more of herself in Season 8. And I love Bill so far. And I like Peter Capaldi and while I might not be a fan of some of Moffat's choices (including how derogatory he is towards women who do not conform to his standards of beauty, the hypocrite) I refuse to allow him to stop me from watching a most beloved show and thereby allowing it to potantially die from poor viewership. I found the pilot intriguing. I liked that it was not a citywide, world-ending threat for once. I am sure that it did not feel epic enough for some folks, but I liked how personal it was. And, without being too spoilery, I was very appreciative of how Bill criticized The Doctor for what he was about to do to her at the end, and how it directly mirrored things that he has done in the past forcing him to question his motives for what is or is not the best choice, and for whom. It fit in nicely with with theme of the episode about life, memories, pictures, reflections. Many nice parallels. He is quite capable of writing good episodes when he does not succumb to something hilariously convoluted.

Still, the line about the lady eating the chips was...

Speaking of mirrors, have you looked in one lately, sir? You're not exactly stunningly handsome. And let's have some more positive body image, please. "Thin" is not the only sort of beautiful. Grrrr. Anyway.
My only consolation was that the way that Bill phrased it sounded like more of a reflection of her own momentary considerings, which changed when she concluded that in the end, she'd rather enjoy the chips (i.e. life) and not overthink it. And she clearly didn't stop flirting. Just... look at me, already on Ep 1 making excuses....

But overall, I was excited about it and enjoyed watching and am eager to see the next one.

I really need to hit the sack, but first...

I bought this tea sampler of Kusmi teas. They are Russian, but made in France. o___o They're incredible! I sampled four out of the five today >.>. At one point I was flying on tea. Told Kit about it, and gave them my live reaction(s). It was a good way of seeing just how strong they are as well. SO far Troika and Prince Vladimir are strong enough to have at breakfast with milk. Nearly resurrected my Tea Journal. I have managed to stop acquiring things, finally.

..on a related note, I was seized last night with the sudden desire for a violin. x_x I even found some online/at the local music shop for reasonable prices. Hmm. But it is rather hard and I would be bonkers to try it, more than likely. Kit plays and recommended (highly) some sort of instruction though she says that attempting to learn it on your own is not impossible or unheard of. I just could not shake the idea from my head. Still pondering it, but waiting a bit to see if I can manage. I would have to get something to deaden the sound. It would more or less be a secret.

HMM.

I keep thinking that it is Friday and then I realize that it is Thursday, which while usually cause for celebration has resulted multiple times in my thinking disappointedly to myself, "Oh."

The week was going pretty swimmingly-ish. Or at least, whatever frustrations I did encounter I was able to handle without much self-inflicted drama (meaning thinking overmuch and wondering inwardly about things until I frittered away my free time with worrying). Then in the space of twelve hours I got hit with, well, drama is the only apt word (times three even). I realized though, and perhaps this is something important that I do need to realize/address, that my thoughts and reactions are my own and that while certain people and behaviors are annoying, they do not dictate my response. I can choose not to react overly emotionally, to get sucked in.

My exercise regimen sort of imploded during the past week. I had to be careful of my back though. Been walking or riding my bike a bit since they are fairly gentle forms of exercise. Just caught myself slouching. >.>...

Looking out my window, I am really appreciating the street that I live on. Sure, it's noisy. I do have a buffer of a few car spaces and various trees and sidewalk (as well as being on the second floor) so it is not as if the road is right upon me. It can be quite noisy though, especially on the weekends late at night with haloo-ing etc.. But it is also nice to be able to stand at the window/door and to look out and watch bikes, pedestrians and cars (and hummingbirds) go by. It would be different in a quiet room in a house removed from busy streets. It sounds lovely, but here, even if I do not go very far or if I spend the weekend near to my desk, I can still be close to activity of some sort. I never feel completely removed from society, even if I have no idea who any of these people are (most of the time).

I currently have an impressive stack of books for "research" purposes. I was going to try to make a skeletal outline for the book/project/thingy I am working on though I keep having turns of mind that cause me to scribble or backspace or rethink something. I like to have A Plan before proceeding, but sometimes that is not entirely possible. At some point, I will likely be at a place where I am comfortable discussing it, though not at the moment. There is so much work to be done. Trying to fit in time for this as well as practice is seriously challenging some days.

But I did turn another corner practice-wise yesterday evening. I played something at tempo that did not sound like crap to me or like bits of it were so-so timing-wise. I just hit it and it worked, at least once which is cool even if I did not replicate it again all evening. Still, a breakthrough. Basically, the fingers of my left hand are more responsive/quicker. I do loads of maddening finger exercises. They are not as bad as some of the ones I have seen out there though. They can be meditative and enjoyable, especially when you begin to master them and play them to speed.
How anyone can tolerate Czerny finger exercises though is beyond me! They're mind numbing. There are all of these methods and dusty books written over a hundred years ago or more that set forth the "proper" way in which you should approach the study of classical piano. And mad debates occur online between people who swear upon one or the other. And who swear that doing one will bust your fingers/give your carpal tunnel/drive you crazy!
It is fun to just sit and read people getting worked up about it. Basically you need to speak with people/have a tutor who have experience and exercise common sense. Don't play until you are in pain or play seven days a week even if the thin, powerful muscles in your forearms are throbbing.

It is a bit warm this evening.
There was a chance of thunderstorms at the end of this week, but it is dwindling now. :(
Thunderstorms are rare here. I really miss them. I have mp3s of rain storms for when I really get dragged down by Summer heat and dryness.

...if by "drunk", you mean "Oh snap, I had too much caffeine."

I rerealized today why I do not ever ingest that many cups of tea. I quit coffee for reasons. Or it could be the sugar or the sugar AND the caffeine. At any rate, it's like sticking my brain on a roller coaster where the big climb takes hours, the view gets increasingly dizzying by the minute, and the drop is sudden and devastating. In less than an hour from now, I am probably going to crash like nobody's business and fall asleep beside my unmade bed or on top of the clean sheets. I knew I should have made the bed as soon as I pulled the sheets from the dryer, well right after I got into the house where my bed actually is located, of course.

I have just passed the, "Oh my gosh, everything is FUNNY!" stage and am entering the "Wow. I could get so much done in this hyper alert state".

One of my old co-workers, Derrick, said that he could always tell when I had had sugar or caffeine because my personality would just shift and my eyes would get dinner-plate-big.

I probably should have hid the keyboard from myself. Oh well.


So. Life!


Familial stuff is *crosses various appendages but not too many*, good and getting better each day. I would eye this warily and with suspicion but the caffeine high is blotting out the fear center of my brain. I don't think that we actually have a fear center. I know it's supposed to be the Amygdala, sort of, but I think it's a vastly misunderstood creature. I like my amygdala because it gives me such handy information like, "Oh my god....that dress is a truly hideous color. Must destroy it with FIRE." and "I love pudding! Yummy!" or "Aagghh!!"

But, yes. People are actually getting along and being, dare I say it, nice to one another. Hmm.

How do people get anything done drinking coffee and the like? How do they even focus? My thoughts are like demented ping pong balls.

I can't believe it's Wednesday already. x_x I mean, it's a good thing, but I feel like there are some things that I had hoped to have accomplished in my spare time before the end of the week which is fast approaching.

Speaking of, can somebody please tell me how in the blue, bloody hell we've arrived at May already??? Wasn't it just New Year's?? Jesus trucking crispy rice

Coming to a post near you (does that make sense?): photos of the quirky things that make this town where I live unique-ish. They include things like cats on leashes (and they're happy about it!), London Buses that are cruising around thousands of miles from their original point of origin on another continent (why??), Fro Yo places that demand that you eat their trendy, frozen treat and like it or else go get eaten by bears for all that they care, and Evil Traffic Lights of Doom that can smell your driving record and are judging you accordingly (and I do not mean those silly little cameras on top of the light pole either).

You think I'm kidding, or that it's the caffeine talking.
But seriously, I took some photos that seemed fairly typical of this place. :)

As a side fannish note or a fannish side note (?), I finally finished watching Season 8 of Doctor Who. Wow. It is nice to know that Moffatt is digging into the same Big Fat Bag of Crack as RTD. That finale though. I liked it! Woah. Yeah. It was epic and bonkers. Still processing.

Going to wander off to shower and bed now...before I really type something crazy.

( Doctor Who Babble. Feel free to skip. :) )

I am trying to learn another bit of music and finding lettering and letters annoying. It's like no matter how many times I read a piece of music, the letters never quite stick. I have this problem with dictionaries, iPod lists where the artists are alphabetized (which is generally how that works), foreign language syllabaries. If I color the notes, I never mistake what they are.
(More on that and my funny brain in another post). I can be scrolling through my iTunes library for something and I will go right past it, like I don't even see it even though I was obviously looking right at it.

Family is sort of better, and sort of difficult.Likening it to a cut healing where it itches in the meantime whilst getting slowly better. My family isn't stinging or painful, but it itches a little. I hope it's itching and not something else.

My LJ turned twelve on May the 1st!
Wow. Seems like an obscenely long time ago!

I have things to do, fun things, good things and I want to do them, but I have been binge watching instead. :S

The other night I sat out on my balcony and watched the light fade. It took about an hour. I noticed that the breeze would ruffle the leaves on certain trees, but not their near neighbors even though the leaves on those trees were not any heavier. But then it would ruffle the leaves aways away like it was skipping over certain trees. Like little micro breezes. It seems that the smaller a system like that gets, the less apparently predictable it becomes. Ever wonder why that is? Some folks cite math, but I think it's energy. The breeze must be following a certain path for a reason.

Need to redo the hummingbird feeder and set the coffee maker for the morning.

I will leave you with an odd tune that I have been obsessively listening to: Plans by Grizzly Bear.

P.S: It's a Full Moon!