star_swan: (Current mood: drunk)
...if by "drunk", you mean "Oh snap, I had too much caffeine."

I rerealized today why I do not ever ingest that many cups of tea. I quit coffee for reasons. Or it could be the sugar or the sugar AND the caffeine. At any rate, it's like sticking my brain on a roller coaster where the big climb takes hours, the view gets increasingly dizzying by the minute, and the drop is sudden and devastating. In less than an hour from now, I am probably going to crash like nobody's business and fall asleep beside my unmade bed or on top of the clean sheets. I knew I should have made the bed as soon as I pulled the sheets from the dryer, well right after I got into the house where my bed actually is located, of course.

I have just passed the, "Oh my gosh, everything is FUNNY!" stage and am entering the "Wow. I could get so much done in this hyper alert state".

One of my old co-workers, Derrick, said that he could always tell when I had had sugar or caffeine because my personality would just shift and my eyes would get dinner-plate-big.

I probably should have hid the keyboard from myself. Oh well.


So. Life!


Familial stuff is *crosses various appendages but not too many*, good and getting better each day. I would eye this warily and with suspicion but the caffeine high is blotting out the fear center of my brain. I don't think that we actually have a fear center. I know it's supposed to be the Amygdala, sort of, but I think it's a vastly misunderstood creature. I like my amygdala because it gives me such handy information like, "Oh my god....that dress is a truly hideous color. Must destroy it with FIRE." and "I love pudding! Yummy!" or "Aagghh!!"

But, yes. People are actually getting along and being, dare I say it, nice to one another. Hmm.

How do people get anything done drinking coffee and the like? How do they even focus? My thoughts are like demented ping pong balls.

I can't believe it's Wednesday already. x_x I mean, it's a good thing, but I feel like there are some things that I had hoped to have accomplished in my spare time before the end of the week which is fast approaching.

Speaking of, can somebody please tell me how in the blue, bloody hell we've arrived at May already??? Wasn't it just New Year's?? Jesus trucking crispy rice

Coming to a post near you (does that make sense?): photos of the quirky things that make this town where I live unique-ish. They include things like cats on leashes (and they're happy about it!), London Buses that are cruising around thousands of miles from their original point of origin on another continent (why??), Fro Yo places that demand that you eat their trendy, frozen treat and like it or else go get eaten by bears for all that they care, and Evil Traffic Lights of Doom that can smell your driving record and are judging you accordingly (and I do not mean those silly little cameras on top of the light pole either).

You think I'm kidding, or that it's the caffeine talking.
But seriously, I took some photos that seemed fairly typical of this place. :)

As a side fannish note or a fannish side note (?), I finally finished watching Season 8 of Doctor Who. Wow. It is nice to know that Moffatt is digging into the same Big Fat Bag of Crack as RTD. That finale though. I liked it! Woah. Yeah. It was epic and bonkers. Still processing.

Going to wander off to shower and bed now...before I really type something crazy.
star_swan: (Default)
I need to remember to "check in" for myself and not just to broadcast to friends. It has been almost a week since I posted in here and I have not written in my handwritten journal in a couple of weeks. (That one was supposed to be a weekly check in, to see how I am coming along from a longer term lens.) I also need to update LJ. Haha. Been busy.

I get perspective when I come on here. I am trying to let go of the performance a wee bit and just write in there what I would post here. I am going to cross post once I get the hang of that.

Want to take a second to say that I love my room/space. It is vibrant, active (a little chaotic) and unequivocally mine. It reminds me of something that I would see in an episode of Doctor Who, something designed and well-thought out to be a sort of ideal representation of the person occupying it. I rest here, draw power and strength from it. It's great. I like to stop and appreciate it every once in awhile.

I had two amazing practices last week and today was not so amazing. I think that I need more variety or something. I am practicing the Bach over and over, not merely to repeat it endlessly, but in thoughtful way. I think that I might need to choose a different project and revisit it. I can play it all the way through now at a nice tempo mainly error-free. I don't want to beat it to death because , pretty though it may be, I am getting a little bored with it.

Saw a performance on Picnic Day of Beethoven's 3rd Piano Concerto by a pianist who attends a conservatory on the East coast: Nathan Cheung. He's stunning! He actually plays with feeling and expressiveness. I think that he will go far. We were seated on the left so that we could see most of the orchestra and the pianist. I got to watch his fingers flying up and down the keyboard. I was most impressed with how he played slowly though. Playing fast isn't difficult once you strengthen your fingers and get used to the variety of motions. It takes time to work up to, but it isn't the most challenging aspect. I am still working on that, obviously, along with everything else. But he played very beautifully at any speed! It was such a pleasure and a treat. It was FREE. :O

Moar Babbling )

The weather was nearly hot on Saturday!

Doing a dump of story ideas, but need to do more.
Maybe need a pep talk concerning the novel as well as piano.

I'm doing all right though.
star_swan: (Default)
Who got 49/50 on the last lecture exam? This person, right here!!! YES. I think that I did well on the lab bit too so that's a great big boost from like 88-89% overall to a solidly, safe "A". We are about halfway through the exams, grading wise though more than halfway through the course. I am so so pleased right now. I am currently leaping ahead since I pretty much have the blood vessels down. We are being lectured on Lymphatic/Immune/Respiratory on Monday, but that's a quite a bit considering that we have yet another exam on Tuesday so I am actually starting early.

Here is a comment that I made on the latest and greatest chapter by Shiso:

"There's this wonderful unspoken connection (again) between them sort of like breathing or the ocean. It feels like there is distance there of a sort, but not really since there is this great, big something connecting them at all times. (I think of water because, well, emotions, but also because it feels like that to me. ) The right swell could come along and just suddenly push one of them back into the other's orbit."

It felt like a bit of a babble, but she really liked it and I like the image the more that I think about it. It got me thinking in other ways. Several of her responses did actually, about life and people. I think that we are all floating in the same whateveritis, something, some substance akin to water or perhaps like a cross between water and light, a form of energy, a medium that we all inhabit/share/cohabitate. Some are farther away, off in seas separated by great watery expanses (that could have proper names if this was about some odd, interstitial geography), but inevitably connected nevertheless, the people we love, strongly dislike, don't particularly like or dislike, and the ones that we know nothing about. And I like that. I like that I am connected to everyone, even people whom I would perhaps choose to not be around. They deserve a space and they have it just by being part of the human race.
Of course, it makes me also ponder the other thing, that there are people whom I like, who I am related to, or what have you that I am also connected to no matter how far away they may appear to be. It gives me hope. It could be a bonkers only child thing, seeing connections by virtue of being the observer, of knowing solitude and not being either ashamed, insecure, or especially bothered by it as a concept and as a practice when necessary.
Sure, I desire a social life a bit more scintillating than the one that I've got at present, but I can go out into the world and do things myself on my own and derive pleasure from it. I can sit in a cafe or a shop and watch other people and not think, "Well, gee I should have just stayed home rather than venture out with no one else to do it with" cause this is what a lot of people do, sadly. It's like they need permission to go out alone, like it's somehow odd or embarrassing. It might just be a smaller town thing. I suspect that in highly urban areas, folks are less reticent about going out alone, more confident which makes them seem usual so that it sort of normalizes itself. And, yo, people watching.

Done! ...with the chapter on lymph/immune. I am going to do the Respiratory tomorrow and then review the set. I cannot imagine that he is going to include all that much from this latest stuff seeing as we will scarcely have the time to go over it in any detail.

Colin was singing in the shower last night at one in the flipping morning. I think that I partially surfaced for a moment, long enough to wonder, "Can I hear singing?" and then I fell deeper into sleep. Apparently he kept people up... He said that it made him feel less uneasy. Aww, he's afraid of the dark. <3 He said that it was taking his mind off the potential for psycho killers to randomly get him in the shower. :S

I could cure him of that. ;D
star_swan: (Fire)
I have been sick the past couple of days and it may be affecting my head. Coughing, taking extra naps, reading about cranial nerves and interstitial spaces filled with ionic fluid, gawking at Tumblr, reading, writing, day dreaming. Ooh! I saw Mars last night and it was lovely.

But before I launch off, I have to stick something here. So, you know how freaking hilarious it is to read Amazon reviews of books that you have already read, just for the histrionic reactions and the snarking back and forth? Well, this one takes the cake or the, something. I just knew that the more rancorous reviews for this particular slice of freaky literature would be golden, but this person exceeded my expectations. Awhile back I read this novella entitled Exquisite Corpse. Yes, that is the actual title. This was back when I was bored and kept going through various bits of twisted literature trying to find the most depraved piece of writing imaginable, something bleak and weird enough that I would stop in my tracks and feel sated in my bizarre need to vicariously feed off the bent mental wanderings of other human beings who had headed to the dark place in their minds with a vengeance and then proceeded to set up semi-permanent residence. (Something that would make Oscar Wilde go, "Well, fuck, that's strange.") As can be guessed from the title, there's cannibalism involved. It is not simply a metaphor. It's a tad porny as well, just a tad. There is much fellatio et le reste. Here is what one person had to say about it:

"Anyone who has really tasted ejaculate knows that it is not salty--salt would be poisonous to sperm cells. "


lmfao! She's right and, well, is there anything else you can say to that? She gave it one star. I was busting up and could scarcely make it to her other more salient points about the plot (or odd lack thereof in spots).

And this one, so true:

" This book is darkness for darkness' sake, extremely gross and sadistic, and beyond disturbing. Though well written, I thought it was a waste of time and offered nothing but horrific visions and bleakness"


...which is *coughs* what drew me to it in the first place, uhm, before I actually read it that is.
I agree with the second review. It was pretty awful. I skimmed bits because I did not have the stomach for reading graphic depictions of "putrescence" and human rot being sexualized. Euuuurrghhh. Anyone who gets on their eerie religious high horse about charnal houses and people wallowing in sin by appeasing the flesh misses the point of real, human intimacy. It isn't about simply pressing and rutting against tissue compartments and fluid filled layers in order to tweak sensory nerve endings hard enough to spray your cerebrum with ecstatic neurotransmitters.

Our senses are intense, fragile gateways to our experience with the outside world and the only way to touch upon it, to be as close to others as we can whose gazes and affections and comingling of thoughts we crave so desperately is to get as physically close as possible which at times...depending on the blistering intensity of our oft misjudged and completely misunderstood not strictly chemical, but so much more crazily complicated impressions/emotions is still not close enough. No wonder some connections feel a little like drowning or that most people when truly, legitly confronted for the first time in their lives with a love that demands to be acknowledged despite their frantic, intellectual protestations, that tears away at their neat compartments and threatens to knock them on their ass and leave them shuddering all undone like a pile of nerves unraveled from their preciously held bindings, run the hell away in the opposite direction. Love will fuck your shit up! But I like to think that it can be the making of people. Some connections are a little scary, but so so good once you get past that , er, period of adjustment. Everyone is basically in awe of that most carefully navigated emotion. Who wouldn't be. It's heady stuff. It's REAL, no do over, no half-assed, "Well let me think about it..." NO. You don't get to think. You're asked to feel and to own up to it. Then you actually get to revel in it even as it is still tilting your world on its axis. Such delicious pain. :S

Whoa. Anyway. Yeah.

I was reading something earlier that started me on this path to being all wound up. It was a couple of stories, really, though the last one really hit me. People speak of parts and of types, but really, who you fall in love with becomes the only type for you, when you really fall irretrievably, inescapably hard. You see that form and that aspect everywhere and you want it because you want the person inside who it has come to represent so completely...the physical footprint of their being on this earth. You may not even know it, that like a magnet or something else equally as cheesy sounding, the universe is conspiring to draw you in a bit closer, closer, closer still...
This might be why some folks say that they feel that they already know someone even though they have never met or how they just sort of knew even though it was illogical and really the complete knowing only came later in retrospect when they were finally capable of giving words to their initial impressions of that other person.

Hmmmm.

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I was promised tea

April 2017

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about me

I'm a mad translator with a degree in Comp Lit and assorted languages. Writing a novel and studying violin. (The story has been flailing along for the past couple of years. I think that the Scrivener research file is larger than the actual text.)

I live with a rather naughty ginger cat. Is there any other kind?

I love tea, loose leaf teas, teas in sachets, all sorts of teas and COFFEE. The more legally, addictive stimulants, the merrier!

Music and books are my life. I basically live in a closet-sized library with a container garden. I occasionally sleep. <3

ivybellis ------> star_swan

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