Eff it.

Mar. 31st, 2015 08:37 pm
star_swan: (Default)
I write in here nearly every day, at least three times per week, and I have been keeping this up for the past two years. Before that I was writing a handful of times a month. And I have been locking all of my entries. Why the fuck have I been doing this?

Putting this here because it is amazing: extreme words of wisdom about playing an instrument, specifically piano. It highlights how you have to work steadily, consistently, and reasonably resting in between sessions.

My favorite line: You can't cram the piano.


So working on third day in a row of tossing and turning. I would always get back to sleep, but then I would wake up again. My cycles seemed to elongate as I approached dawn, probably because I was talking to myself (in my head) and trying to soothe myself back to sleep and into a more prolonged sleep, which worked, albeit with weird side effects. I would be dreaming and I would think to myself, "Damn! This feels so good, sleeping." and "I can see the edge of the dream. It's the outside world. Shit! Don't want to wake up again!" And then I would "physically" run away and plunge deeper into the dreamscape. I would even feel myself waking up and I would force it away. Then I thought, "Gee. I hope that I can wake up again if I need to." I can do this thing where I can be dreaming and I can decide to wake up, not every night, but a lot of nights. Lucid dreaming is really cool and also kinda strange. Being able to control your sleep means that any stressor or misstep and you can wind up with a jacked up sleep schedule. Mind over matter is not always a picnic, more like a demented carnival ride.

I've decided to pretend like this is a normal day and that I do not feel half delirious with dark circles under my eyes. I don't think that napping is going to fix it. Perversely, if I do my practice (gently) and manage to accomplish things, slowly, it will put my mind at ease better than trying to take half-assed naps would. The last time that I was sleep less, getting good and exhausted was the only sure way to calm my arse down. It's like I have to really want the sleep because a lot of the time I am too wound up or spinning my gears too much to settle down and accept the loss of consciousness. Even if I think that I want to go sleep. Spinning stories helps because it takes concentration, but is also diverting and relaxing and eventually you lose the thread and drift off. How sick is it that I play mind games with myself in order to sleep?

That and Camp NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow. It's the same as regular except that you can set lower or higher word counts for yourself for the month. And I do not want it to be like camp when I was nine years old where I was sad, beleaguered, and half feral from lack of rest.


***********

Three hours before three o' clock! Woohoo!! I spent a lot of it practicing Bach (which is restful for the sleepy mind) and this thing called Parisian Street Scene which has a pretty wicked tempo and is a lot of fun. I feel so accomplished right now, I can't even tell you. I think that I am going to do some leisurely exercises, grab a coconut water, and go sit outside at the shadier end of my patio and luxuriate in beneath the crepe myrtle and snapdragons/mint/violas/morning glories. It is pretty dope out there now with everything lush and flowering, have to say.

Mint water is GREAT! Ice water with crushed mint leaves in it to be exact.

I had to stop myself from going back to the piano earlier. I am tempted to play a little more, just something leisurely. So long as I do my three hours, I suppose I can do extra dabbling here and there. I think that I am going to start doing daily s l o w trill exercises. I started to do hand over hand arpeggios a couple (??) of days ago.

Tonight, I need to shower after dinner (I am going back to showering in the evenings because I forgot to this morning and I realized that it is weird after having showered for years in the evenings, pretty much my entire life with a brief interlude from HS or uni??) and then finish transferring notes and snippets into Scrivener. Tomorrow is IT. 1,110 words per day for a month. I can do this. I just need to find a suitable time of day. Seems like mornings would be best, first thing, after breakfast but before the piano.

Might have to dance this evening to induce serious tiredness. That and it will drive away over thinking by refocusing my energy into my body.
star_swan: (Addicted to coffee)
So I slept on it. Not very well, mind you. I kept tossing and turning and shifting and waking up at odd hours. Colin being out until three did not help. I can't help but keep an ear out for him. I always seem to get a brainwave right before he arrives home and I hear his key turning in the lock downstairs. After mulling it over and bending Angela's ear on the subect as well, and thinking about the various things that I have read (opinions all, but with merit), I am going to practice three days on, one day off. And I am going to scale back to three hours. Two hours in the morning and one hour in the afternoon/evening. This site says to only do four per week, but I think that my arrangement will work best for me. I will see where I am later and if I want to go back to four per day or not. With this system, I still manage to play six days a week, but the breaks allow a full day's rest sneakily placed in between so it looks like I am getting more rest than I am. In a sense, it is more beneficial rest because I am never allowed to play so many days consecutively that I can tire my hands (or my brain) with new movements, new passages, and whatnot. Three days in a row will allow my enthusiasm some breathing room, but taking a day off right in the middle will curb it enough to allow growth and repair and other things such as reading, chilling, watching a movie without feeling like I have to squeeze it in around practice time, chores, daily life. I also took the weekend off. Sort of. I did practice for a half hour last night, just light arpeggios and a Bach melody with right hand only. OH! This site/blogger/teacher also mentioned the need to continue to practice the hands independently. It allows you to pay attention to and to not miss subtlties. I have noticed that you lose something when you split your focus too soon before each hand has learned its part and force them to play together early on. I try to get the right hand down, then get the left hand down or vic versa depending before trying to add. And then I still will go back and forth if I feel like I've lost something along the way.

Newest obsession: Prokofiev's 3rd Piano Concerto (another Bronfman performance from the same year, 2008). I remember hearing it around fifteen years ago and urgently wanting to know what it was. But I never found out. Then a few weeks ago, I found it again! It forcefully reminds me of something, I know not what. I will probably listen to it a couple more times this evening. It makes me think of blue and dampness, perhaps the ocean. There are misty dales and sunlight. Green and blue.

I listened to it twice again while doing the the massive after dinner cleanup. I am now on my FIFTH listen. I was listening to Martha Argerich play it as well. She and Fima are the masters!! They play it with the verve and intensity that it deserves.

I have marked up my calendar with "P"s for practice days and "X"s for the breaks, just to make it abundantly clear. My goal for this evening is to get to bed early, and chill with a book that I have been wanting to read for awhile, and just relax.


I have decided to do Camp NaNoWriMo because it's a place that shows you your progress and in doing so makes you accountable to your goal. I am thinking of setting it at 33,300 (haha, I am a weirdo). Anything that I do beyond that is gravy! I renamed it again….."From Out of The Rain" just for the purposes of the event. So my daily word count goal is 1,110. I have this number fixation and this works for me! It takes place in a couple of days during the entire month of April.

There is this bonkers show, Broad City, about two women living in New York City. It is very odd. I think that I need to watch more. One of the main characters flashes her VaJaJay at a statue of Peter Stuyvesant whilst riding on a Citi bike in a dress. There are no words…

I am still in love with New York even if I do not babble endlessly about it as much anymore.

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I was promised tea

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about me

I'm a mad translator with a degree in Comp Lit and assorted languages. Writing a novel and studying violin. (The story has been flailing along for the past couple of years. I think that the Scrivener research file is larger than the actual text.)

I live with a rather naughty ginger cat. Is there any other kind?

I love tea, loose leaf teas, teas in sachets, all sorts of teas and COFFEE. The more legally, addictive stimulants, the merrier!

Music and books are my life. I basically live in a closet-sized library with a container garden. I occasionally sleep. <3

ivybellis ------> star_swan

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