star_swan: (Music always helps)
I really need to hit the sack, but first...

I bought this tea sampler of Kusmi teas. They are Russian, but made in France. o___o They're incredible! I sampled four out of the five today >.>. At one point I was flying on tea. Told Kit about it, and gave her my live reaction(s). It was a good way of seeing just how strong they are as well. SO far Troika and Prince Vladimir are strong enough to have at breakfast with milk. Nearly resurrected my Tea Journal. I have managed to stop acquiring things, finally.

..on a related note, I was seized last night with the sudden desire for a violin. x_x I even found some online/at the local music shop for reasonable prices. Hmm. But it is rather hard and I would be bonkers to try it, more than likely. Kit plays and recommended (highly) some sort of instruction though she says that attempting to learn it on your own is not impossible or unheard of. I just could not shake the idea from my head. Still pondering it, but waiting a bit to see if I can manage. I would have to get something to deaden the sound. It would more or less be a secret.

HMM.
star_swan: (pink flower)
...okay, aside from plunging into a swimming pool, the ocean, rivers. If you have any of those nearby. I could really do with a trip to the beach. Anyway.

You ever go through periods where you are reading voraciously, where even eating a tasty treat creme brulee or watching a diverting program too many to list can't live up to your rapacious desire for more books?
Of course, the main reason why I can string sentences together presently is because the heat broke and it is overcast. Was going to write a few sentences about how meltingly hot it is and then slap a picture and be done with it. But I am feeling significantly more animated now!

I've had all of these books on my shelves on Celtic Myths, rhythms, animals, beliefs, poetry, folktales, contributions to Western Civilization, you name it, for years. But I haven't gotten around to reading half of them, except for some of the books on poetry and folk tales. I am not certain why. Most of them were gifts, probably a not so subtle hint from my Irish Catholic mother to read up on our ancestors! I had some Norse books for a time when I was going through, all right, I hate the way that this sounds but I have already started the sentence, damn it, when I was going through a Norse "phase" (pardon all of these crazy questionably grammatical fragments). Why not, right? It's fascinating stuff and my dad is English and we know that they are an amalgam of everyone who ever partied in the British Isles up until William the Conqueror, and beyond once they began colonizing everybody everywhere. I speak about them in the third person as if I'm not completely related to them. :P There is practically no point to this paragraph except to illustrate how my Celtic books would stare reproachfully at me whenever I cracked the spine of Norse Myth or The Poetic Edda, the Johnny Come Latelies of my bookshelf who jumped the reading queue whilst they had been sitting patiently trying to attract my notice for far longer. I used to know a guy named Stephen who was a Celtic Reconstructionist and who hissed (literally) in the general direction of anyone studying the Norse pantheon. He seemed to think that I was being more than vaguely traitorous. :D....
It's not as if my books are taking up arms and assaulting one another for rights to the shelf...and if the books do not mind, I do not see that I should terribly. I'll read what I want!

Intermission: It's raining!!!

Be that as it may, I have a pile of books and I was a little naughty earlier this week and I went and added to the pile, then proceeded to tear through it. Well, the tearing is in progress. Rather than reading one book, setting it down and then progressing to another, I am reading four or five at once. They are not several hundred page narratives after all. There are tales, poems, histories. I am also re-reading The Ladies of Grace Adieu and this fun little piece of Gothic fun:



I figured that a gothic novel is just the perfect thing to read under a tree (or indoors if it is insufferable out there) during Summer in one's spare time. The characters are forever exclaiming at shadows and ruminating on their worst fears and anxieties (usually as regards whatever may or may not be stirring in the shadows literally or metaphorically). Or else there are unseen enemies (aside from whatever may or may not be lurking in the dark waiting to get them), lightning flashes, dark woods, upturned carriages, damsels shut up in convents, secret doors, noblemen fleeing debt, castles, ruined abbeys, surly townsfolk, highly perceptive manservants, and a quote from a forlorn sounding poem/play at the beginning of every chapter.

Here is another pretty cover )

I will leave you with my Current Obsession: Prokofiev's Four Pieces, Op. 32, especially the Dance and the Gavotte. Actually, they are all really good. <333
star_swan: (Sunflowers)
Felt the desire to write in here and mull over things this morning. It's crisp, clear and cool with a slight breeze.

In the midst of all of the familial crazy, I have been a bit harsh on myself. I feel after a mere week of losing my footing with the story and Russian that I am somehow stagnating. Losing sight of the time table. I know that there will be slow periods where life is hectic. But I am going to sit and open the document and go over things to ensure some sort of movement. And whenever I am doing that, I will listen to a writing playlist or some piece of piano music, some symphony so that I can train my mind onto certain things. I really need to start practicing composing music out of that workbook that I have and the half a dozen theory books. No excuses. I have ideas and I should not wait until I have mastered every scale before jotting things down.

Remembering the staffs still proves annoying. The letters still do not stick, but I need to be better so that I can notate things that I hear and come up with. I'll just keep staring at them until it is such second nature that it overcomes my bizarre wiring (not that I have not already been taking that tack for months).
I might just color the sheet music. It's mine. I bought it. Nobody is going to arrest me for doing it. It might solidify the lettering as well as help me to learn the piece more quickly. YES.

I watched a youtube vid about not having too many tabs open because it creates mental clutter. I am such a tab junkie and while I will not be able to entirely abandon that habit, I think that I can commit to at least finishing my open tabs and leaving no more than two or three open when I close Chrome. Eventually I will get it down to one. I just made my e-mail manageable again! I deleted a bunch of crap and marked a bunch of unread fanfic "for later" until I get over to the site to dedicate some time to reading. I just can't have it all sitting starred in my inbox for weeks. -_-

And the only thing that I can wash my face with lately is WATER. All soaps tend to piss it off. I thought that I looked like hell, so I splashed my face with water and looked a bit better. I simultaneously have oily an dry skin with occasionally red, irritated not quite pimples. As in, my skin is oily underneath the flaking. :( It isn't even that it's dry in some places and oily in others. That at least would be straightforward.

Listening to Lang Lang play. He managed the first one really well, but he sort of bangs on the keys in this one. Hmm. I am so sick of having a cluttered desktop so I am listening to all of the stuff I had just sitting out there everyday as a reminder to listen to it.

My life is full of reminders: reminder tabs, stickies, actual post its, starred e-mails, documents/pics/??? on the desktop, books pulled a few inches out of place on bookshelves, fridge magnets.

It is getting pretty ridiculous.

My goal today is to rid myself of this stuff by doing it or letting it go.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that a big, bushy Robin appeared on my balcony this morning early. I take that as a good sign. Robins are always good to see especially is they start singing.
star_swan: (Misty Morning)
Doctor Who Babble. Feel free to skip. :) )

I am trying to learn another bit of music and finding lettering and letters annoying. It's like no matter how many times I read a piece of music, the letters never quite stick. I have this problem with dictionaries, iPod lists where the artists are alphabetized (which is generally how that works), foreign language syllabaries. If I color the notes, I never mistake what they are.
(More on that and my funny brain in another post). I can be scrolling through my iTunes library for something and I will go right past it, like I don't even see it even though I was obviously looking right at it.

Family is sort of better, and sort of difficult.Likening it to a cut healing where it itches in the meantime whilst getting slowly better. My family isn't stinging or painful, but it itches a little. I hope it's itching and not something else.

My LJ turned twelve on May the 1st!
Wow. Seems like an obscenely long time ago!

I have things to do, fun things, good things and I want to do them, but I have been binge watching instead. :S

The other night I sat out on my balcony and watched the light fade. It took about an hour. I noticed that the breeze would ruffle the leaves on certain trees, but not their near neighbors even though the leaves on those trees were not any heavier. But then it would ruffle the leaves aways away like it was skipping over certain trees. Like little micro breezes. It seems that the smaller a system like that gets, the less apparently predictable it becomes. Ever wonder why that is? Some folks cite math, but I think it's energy. The breeze must be following a certain path for a reason.

Need to redo the hummingbird feeder and set the coffee maker for the morning.

I will leave you with an odd tune that I have been obsessively listening to: Plans by Grizzly Bear.

P.S: It's a Full Moon!
star_swan: (Oak Tree)
I mentioned somewhere that I would put up photos of my container garden so here it is with other random things, cut so that you can choose to look at it.

SPRING and things )

This is the best that my garden has ever looked! I am really hitting my stride this year.

So I live in an apartment complex that has had a barely functioning laundry. Each week a new sticky note would appear on one of the washers or dryers. It was like a bad joke. This has been dragging on for months. Finally yesterday I was beginning to wonder if I would need to go to this place in town, Laundry Lounge, as we were down to four washers and five dryers for the entire place, when a man materialized and fixed all of them in under an hour!

This made my week. I have never been so excited to do laundry.

Also, it is Sergei Prokofiev's birthday!! (Well, they changed from the Julian to the Gregorian Calendar so...it is mostly his birthday.)

I am listening to all of his piano sonatas. I am on No. 8 of 9. :O
For anyone interested, I will stick links below to various recordings!

I really like his 5th Sonata . Here is Gergiev conducting his Fifth Symphony with a toothpick because he is a little cray cray. He is brilliant though. The second movement of this one sounds mechanistic. I love it!

And here is one of my favorites: Sarcasms! It's solo piano stuff where he has a bit of fun, a little too much fun? I just love that he wrote something "sarcastic".

Finally (cause I would be on here all day), I really like Tales of An Old Grandmother. The first piece is so wistful. It makes me think of the fading light on tall buildings. I want to play this one!!

More "what I've been up to" stuff on a separate post though it isn't drastically exciting. Mainly practice, work, errands, procrastination, mad plans, and tv shows. :)

Random question of the day: do you all drink tea and if so, what kind(s) of tea do you like? I really like Earl Grey and Russian Caravan. And how do you take your tea? I am a little tea mad.

Eff it.

Mar. 31st, 2015 08:37 pm
star_swan: (Default)
I write in here nearly every day, at least three times per week, and I have been keeping this up for the past two years. Before that I was writing a handful of times a month. And I have been locking all of my entries. Why the fuck have I been doing this?

Putting this here because it is amazing: extreme words of wisdom about playing an instrument, specifically piano. It highlights how you have to work steadily, consistently, and reasonably resting in between sessions.

My favorite line: You can't cram the piano.


So working on third day in a row of tossing and turning. I would always get back to sleep, but then I would wake up again. My cycles seemed to elongate as I approached dawn, probably because I was talking to myself (in my head) and trying to soothe myself back to sleep and into a more prolonged sleep, which worked, albeit with weird side effects. I would be dreaming and I would think to myself, "Damn! This feels so good, sleeping." and "I can see the edge of the dream. It's the outside world. Shit! Don't want to wake up again!" And then I would "physically" run away and plunge deeper into the dreamscape. I would even feel myself waking up and I would force it away. Then I thought, "Gee. I hope that I can wake up again if I need to." I can do this thing where I can be dreaming and I can decide to wake up, not every night, but a lot of nights. Lucid dreaming is really cool and also kinda strange. Being able to control your sleep means that any stressor or misstep and you can wind up with a jacked up sleep schedule. Mind over matter is not always a picnic, more like a demented carnival ride.

I've decided to pretend like this is a normal day and that I do not feel half delirious with dark circles under my eyes. I don't think that napping is going to fix it. Perversely, if I do my practice (gently) and manage to accomplish things, slowly, it will put my mind at ease better than trying to take half-assed naps would. The last time that I was sleep less, getting good and exhausted was the only sure way to calm my arse down. It's like I have to really want the sleep because a lot of the time I am too wound up or spinning my gears too much to settle down and accept the loss of consciousness. Even if I think that I want to go sleep. Spinning stories helps because it takes concentration, but is also diverting and relaxing and eventually you lose the thread and drift off. How sick is it that I play mind games with myself in order to sleep?

That and Camp NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow. It's the same as regular except that you can set lower or higher word counts for yourself for the month. And I do not want it to be like camp when I was nine years old where I was sad, beleaguered, and half feral from lack of rest.


***********

Three hours before three o' clock! Woohoo!! I spent a lot of it practicing Bach (which is restful for the sleepy mind) and this thing called Parisian Street Scene which has a pretty wicked tempo and is a lot of fun. I feel so accomplished right now, I can't even tell you. I think that I am going to do some leisurely exercises, grab a coconut water, and go sit outside at the shadier end of my patio and luxuriate in beneath the crepe myrtle and snapdragons/mint/violas/morning glories. It is pretty dope out there now with everything lush and flowering, have to say.

Mint water is GREAT! Ice water with crushed mint leaves in it to be exact.

I had to stop myself from going back to the piano earlier. I am tempted to play a little more, just something leisurely. So long as I do my three hours, I suppose I can do extra dabbling here and there. I think that I am going to start doing daily s l o w trill exercises. I started to do hand over hand arpeggios a couple (??) of days ago.

Tonight, I need to shower after dinner (I am going back to showering in the evenings because I forgot to this morning and I realized that it is weird after having showered for years in the evenings, pretty much my entire life with a brief interlude from HS or uni??) and then finish transferring notes and snippets into Scrivener. Tomorrow is IT. 1,110 words per day for a month. I can do this. I just need to find a suitable time of day. Seems like mornings would be best, first thing, after breakfast but before the piano.

Might have to dance this evening to induce serious tiredness. That and it will drive away over thinking by refocusing my energy into my body.
star_swan: (Addicted to coffee)
So I slept on it. Not very well, mind you. I kept tossing and turning and shifting and waking up at odd hours. Colin being out until three did not help. I can't help but keep an ear out for him. I always seem to get a brainwave right before he arrives home and I hear his key turning in the lock downstairs. After mulling it over and bending Angela's ear on the subect as well, and thinking about the various things that I have read (opinions all, but with merit), I am going to practice three days on, one day off. And I am going to scale back to three hours. Two hours in the morning and one hour in the afternoon/evening. This site says to only do four per week, but I think that my arrangement will work best for me. I will see where I am later and if I want to go back to four per day or not. With this system, I still manage to play six days a week, but the breaks allow a full day's rest sneakily placed in between so it looks like I am getting more rest than I am. In a sense, it is more beneficial rest because I am never allowed to play so many days consecutively that I can tire my hands (or my brain) with new movements, new passages, and whatnot. Three days in a row will allow my enthusiasm some breathing room, but taking a day off right in the middle will curb it enough to allow growth and repair and other things such as reading, chilling, watching a movie without feeling like I have to squeeze it in around practice time, chores, daily life. I also took the weekend off. Sort of. I did practice for a half hour last night, just light arpeggios and a Bach melody with right hand only. OH! This site/blogger/teacher also mentioned the need to continue to practice the hands independently. It allows you to pay attention to and to not miss subtlties. I have noticed that you lose something when you split your focus too soon before each hand has learned its part and force them to play together early on. I try to get the right hand down, then get the left hand down or vic versa depending before trying to add. And then I still will go back and forth if I feel like I've lost something along the way.

Newest obsession: Prokofiev's 3rd Piano Concerto (another Bronfman performance from the same year, 2008). I remember hearing it around fifteen years ago and urgently wanting to know what it was. But I never found out. Then a few weeks ago, I found it again! It forcefully reminds me of something, I know not what. I will probably listen to it a couple more times this evening. It makes me think of blue and dampness, perhaps the ocean. There are misty dales and sunlight. Green and blue.

I listened to it twice again while doing the the massive after dinner cleanup. I am now on my FIFTH listen. I was listening to Martha Argerich play it as well. She and Fima are the masters!! They play it with the verve and intensity that it deserves.

I have marked up my calendar with "P"s for practice days and "X"s for the breaks, just to make it abundantly clear. My goal for this evening is to get to bed early, and chill with a book that I have been wanting to read for awhile, and just relax.


I have decided to do Camp NaNoWriMo because it's a place that shows you your progress and in doing so makes you accountable to your goal. I am thinking of setting it at 33,300 (haha, I am a weirdo). Anything that I do beyond that is gravy! I renamed it again….."From Out of The Rain" just for the purposes of the event. So my daily word count goal is 1,110. I have this number fixation and this works for me! It takes place in a couple of days during the entire month of April.

There is this bonkers show, Broad City, about two women living in New York City. It is very odd. I think that I need to watch more. One of the main characters flashes her VaJaJay at a statue of Peter Stuyvesant whilst riding on a Citi bike in a dress. There are no words…

I am still in love with New York even if I do not babble endlessly about it as much anymore.
star_swan: (Snape about to bitchslap (Gof))
So I have been furiously (though not actually) adhering to my practice sessions with a will. The past couple of days I had had to retool a couple of things because my hands were getting tired. I was ignoring some of the Hanon Insanity and rolling my wrists when going up to the black keys on scales, otherwise the tendon between my right ring finger and pinky were going to start muttering unhappily.

Long story short, four hours per day every day is a little crazy at least with current techniques. While lifting my fingers and hammering through Hanon has created a boost in strength, it is simply too intense to sustain. It was starting to make my thumb pads a little sore. And while the soreness was always gone the next day, nevertheless, it wasn't good. I thought back and realized that practicing with lightness and fluidity took longer, but got me to the same place technique wise. I was still building finger strength. As one person put it, "You can't cram the piano". More is not necessarily better. This one British concert pianist was encouraging people to use six hours of their free time in order to learn it, but I would advise using those hours for a variety of things: theory, note learning, slooooow practice, ear training. I was getting a little frustrated also because I want to compose things and learn about structure and build on some of my improvisations, and have the time to do so. I was afraid to ease up even though as an athlete, I always knew intuitively to rest after a session and allow my muscles and brain to recuperate.

Hanon has proved useful, but I am going to ignore the earlier advice and use my wrists more keeping my fingers lower. As one person said, raising your fingers simply slows you down and gives you more distance to cover and makes for awkward hand positions that are less efficient and cause more potential strain. Or else I could just tread more lightly (mf or mp). I get that slowly you build strength and that when you up the tempo, you play more lightly. "No pain, no gain" is a BAD mantra to apply to piano practice. :S

This one professional musician even went so far as to recommend only practicing four days a week for those with busy schedules. I am seriously considering five days with rest days interspersed. So, something like Mon, Tues, Rest, Thurs, Fri, Rest, Sun, Mon, Rest…et cetera. On the rest days, I can just study theory. Hmm. I am still not sure. Or else I could scale it back to two hours daily and take off one day in the middle of the week, possibly Wednesday. The thing is, when I get in front of the keyboard, I tend to get sucked in and just keep on going. I'll break up the time into segments where I work on one thing and then another and time whizzes by. I do realize that quality is preferable and some folks argue that beyond two-three hours, you're facing diminishing returns both mentally and physically. Then I think back to people who say that you should practice for 30-60 mins daily. :S I was supposed to take today off in order to rest, but I did wind up doing 30 mins of light arpeggios and simple Bach. Keeping me away is a challenge! This one guy also recommended working on passages/new tunes first when you are fresh mentally and working on scales etc later and switching it up.

I am simply going to have to sleep on it and think to myself about what is the best schedule, intuitively, for me. Is my goal to become a piano demon or to write and learn music and become more proficient?
star_swan: (NYC thunderstorm)
I am seated downstairs on the large (and freakishly comfortable) sofa listening to more sonatas and reading music. I am getting much better at identifying notes without pauses and I can sit down and begin to play things fairly accurately, but I need to quiz myself, have like a note reading blitz. I have been spending my evenings practicing which I am going to switch up again. I've just been busy in the daytime lately. It is a task to sit down at seven or eight with the evening wearing on into later evening. You grow tired and do not feel like staring at the keyboard and at sheet music come eleven thirty. Practicing in the mornings and afternoons is a bit better, but this works. I still produce results and benefit from it. It is just "geh".

The weather has turned a little chillier, but I find that this makes for the perfect Sunday. It is just active enough to inspire movement and creativity, but relaxed enough to allow for repose. The sun peaks out, clouds obscure it again for several minutes, and the breeze undulates through all of the new foliage like an underwater current. I can see large petals scattering into view from somewhere left seeming to follow the downward movement of notes on a staff. A dried twig from a nearby redwood alights on the patio and sits stilly heavy with meaning. It might be that Sundays are always like this and I just now noticed.

I love how Scriabin doesn't even really bother with key signatures as such in a bunch of these. He just says it's in C and tosses in truckloads of accidentals. It's all relative anyway. (Not to be punny). And it obviously does float around a tonal center or it sounds like it does because we expect it to…I think technically it really doesn't??

Haha…I also love his notations. They're very whimsically specific!
"avec une langueur naissante" , "sombre et mysterieux", "avec une douceur de plus en plus caressante et empoisonnée" , "tres pur avec douceur" , "imperieux", "comme des éclairs", "orageux", "avec une céléste volupté".

In all important fic news, she updated again, the third in less than 48 hours or it might be the fourth, losing track, and she has made up for things somewhat. It was a short chapter, but I do not mind having short chapters twice or thrice a week. :P It's great! Her Natasha is quite cool and she finally convinced Bucky to be roommates and leave his shithole apartment; and he quit his sleazy bartending job. Why in the hell do I read these things?? Going to reread more slowly, savoringly, and then back to sight reading practice.

Sight reading this stuff is not very fascinating. It's the same five or six notes over and over again. Perhaps I should skip ahead? Perhaps I should not type a running commentary on my day in here.
star_swan: (Woods at twilight)
And another level of crazy

Yesterday was crazily busy what with errands and whatnot. I checked out some videos online that I have looked at before on practice. It was all about playing scales and finger exercises slowly with just(!) the fingers in order to build up finger strength. So between yesterday and today, I out in many hours of doing mainly that. I had to relearn the C Major fingering because I had learned it a different way which was apparently not correct (from one of my books). I thought that I was going to lost it at one point. But I persevered and retained both my finger and my brain and I have got it. Just need to practice. I am now doing four octaves of Hanon instead of two per a recommendation. I am stopping just shy of developing issues. I rest though and I am fine. I noticed an immediate improvement in my chord playing and in a couple of exercises/bits from the Czerny book that require you to hold down a note for four beats with the fourth finger of your left hand while hitting a third with your first and second for three beats, the last staccato. On the right hand, you play four eighth notes and a half note legato as a single phrase. It was choppy sounding yesterday, but today I could play it quietly and more smoothly after the slooow as fuck warmup. It felt good though, sort of like doing slow pushups in smaller increments, taking breaks in between.
I just ploughed through it with focus and intent. It helped that I spent the earlier evening listening to some of my favorite tunes and envisioning what I want to accomplish.

I was chatting with Angela about it and she called me a "beast" for practicing that much. :D I still have so far to go, but I am going to keep at it. I composed some more story stuff yesterday and this morning, mainly having to do with the Phineas-Friedrich-Audrey triangle. I think that I have it sorted now. I went to make an entry yesterday and it just morphed into a story exposition. I delved a lot more into Friedrich's motivations and softened Phineas a little (but only for certain eyes. he has to be ruthless as far as other people are concerned).

Will try not to stay up too terribly late. ;_;
star_swan: (Fuck.)
…I more than made up for getting up late by putting in my time (around four hours??) today. I should probably take closer note of how much time I am spending on practice. I was feeling it in my left thumb pad and right wrist a little so I thought it would be prudent to knock off for the evening.

So the birds. At one point this afternoon they were rolling on the asphalt, no joke. I watched them tumble under a car in dismay. But they seemed no worse for wear seated at the feeder together. I changed it out as they watched from the tree. Complete nutters. They tussle every damn day.

I am concerned about Angela. She is receding, putting up walls. I texted her about getting lunch and she sort of brushed it off though she did mention wanting to…sometime. Sent her another text today inviting her to dinner tomorrow, but nothing. Her living situation is becoming untenable, apparently. But she spurns my advances, my attempts to be an ear or to help. I am trying to be the friend I have always wanted, basically. It's like, Allie was here and in some ways we scarcely connected. I feel very connected overall to the wide world even sitting in my room, but to certain people in my life, there are barriers. I can hear/feel/see/sense what they are about. I can't not. But they do not always acknowledge it themselves and you can't make people talk or open up even when you can already see them.

At any rate, I am so so tired at this moment. I woke up late and you know how even getting adequate sleep doesn't quite reverse the fact that you had a very long day prior? I woke up at seven yesterday and did not get to bed until after one in the morning. :S
I am putting in some serious hours, learning a lot in a short period of time, which is amazing. I love it! Though by "quitting time", I am super knackered. I had to force myself to stop earlier. I was unwittingly analyzing the Blue Danube. It's effing brilliant in its simplicity. Strauss switches from consonant intervals to perfect intervals and from more dissonant ones to more consonant ones leading back perfectly and elegantly to the tonic (C). And it's so pretty! Like he'll have the harmony be a second and a third, then two thirds, or a tritone and a third, then a fifth and a third. It just floats up and down the same few notes not deviating beyond the E above Middle C and the B just below that, but it's sublime. Brahms apparently was a huge fan of it and wished that he had thought of it.

And now to bed, for we rise at 9:30, ish. (Not really, more like seven thirty).
star_swan: (Seven BAMF)
What an amazing Saturday after such a lackluster Friday evening. The afternoon was lovely yesterday, but I began to feel more and more tired and sore (in the throat). I felt the front of my throat and it was a little swollen. Cue freaking out. Spent the rest of the evening on the couch watching Shiro Neko videos and feeling a little down. I awoke late cause Saturday. Colin wanted me to leave and give him a couple of hours to himself in the house. I was a little hesitant but I threw on a blazer and jeans after switching out of one of my new dresses and cycled down the path with my bag full of Russian books, counterpoint, and a hardcover journal that I write in once a week to sort of check in on myself, life listening to The Strokes on my iPod. I had no clue where I was going, but I wound up on this one path just past the library on campus. It is the perfect combinations of sunshine and shade. I was grateful that I changed because the ground was hard and it was still a little chilly. I sat there listening to music, reading last week's entry and then writing a new one occasionally sketching tree branches. It was lovely. When the music stopped, I just sat there and listened to the surrounding art buildings humming and the birds for about an hour.
Cycled past people sunning themselves by the lake and proceeded with haste to WF to relieve my bladder. Got a snack and a coconut water and wandered for a little bit. Hung out in the arboretum listening to Brahms' Violin Concerto in D. Watched the birds and this ridiculous ginger cat that I once tried to collect and take back to his oblivious caretakers on a rainy afternoon last year. My throat felt a bit better and was noticeably less swollen! Hooray! It was so nice lazily taking in the sights and listening to tunes. Felt so good to be alive watching the sun glint off the trees, the water, the people walking past. It was like the town was my backyard, I felt so at home. Colin texted to apologize for pseudo kicking me out but I was well pleased. Sitting there listening to music rekindled my resolve to not waste any time with writing and with music, but also to get a grip. I set a rough date as a goal for having everything together, how I get there is up to me complete with marathon work periods and days here and there of rest and slacking. I need that freedom at least to maneuver in time and space. So by May 2016, I want to have a first draft of the novel ready (or perhaps what I mean is a revised version that could be ready to show to someone) along with considerable improvement on the keyboard and with musical studies. I want to have written something or be really exploring composing.

I ran into my folks on the way back, sprinted to the house to use the bathroom again and then went back out to meet them back at WF. Listened to Petrushka. It is a little weird and sort of sad, but I love it. On the way back I lost sight of them behind me and so lingered by Hart Hall and these poplars that I like. Sat on a bench for someone named "Jennifer" who passed away several years ago by the looks of the bench, probably within the last ten. She couldn't have been more than thirty-something. I patted the bench and told her that I was sorry that her life ended so soon.

By the time I made it back for the second time (and saw Colin and Callie on the path this time), I was pretty tired. It is a little before eight and I am exhausted. My throat is a bit better, but still a little rough and I was out all day. So nice though. I want to look at Russian, but I need to lie down a little first.
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Who got 49/50 on the last lecture exam? This person, right here!!! YES. I think that I did well on the lab bit too so that's a great big boost from like 88-89% overall to a solidly, safe "A". We are about halfway through the exams, grading wise though more than halfway through the course. I am so so pleased right now. I am currently leaping ahead since I pretty much have the blood vessels down. We are being lectured on Lymphatic/Immune/Respiratory on Monday, but that's a quite a bit considering that we have yet another exam on Tuesday so I am actually starting early.

Here is a comment that I made on the latest and greatest chapter by Shiso:

"There's this wonderful unspoken connection (again) between them sort of like breathing or the ocean. It feels like there is distance there of a sort, but not really since there is this great, big something connecting them at all times. (I think of water because, well, emotions, but also because it feels like that to me. ) The right swell could come along and just suddenly push one of them back into the other's orbit."

It felt like a bit of a babble, but she really liked it and I like the image the more that I think about it. It got me thinking in other ways. Several of her responses did actually, about life and people. I think that we are all floating in the same whateveritis, something, some substance akin to water or perhaps like a cross between water and light, a form of energy, a medium that we all inhabit/share/cohabitate. Some are farther away, off in seas separated by great watery expanses (that could have proper names if this was about some odd, interstitial geography), but inevitably connected nevertheless, the people we love, strongly dislike, don't particularly like or dislike, and the ones that we know nothing about. And I like that. I like that I am connected to everyone, even people whom I would perhaps choose to not be around. They deserve a space and they have it just by being part of the human race.
Of course, it makes me also ponder the other thing, that there are people whom I like, who I am related to, or what have you that I am also connected to no matter how far away they may appear to be. It gives me hope. It could be a bonkers only child thing, seeing connections by virtue of being the observer, of knowing solitude and not being either ashamed, insecure, or especially bothered by it as a concept and as a practice when necessary.
Sure, I desire a social life a bit more scintillating than the one that I've got at present, but I can go out into the world and do things myself on my own and derive pleasure from it. I can sit in a cafe or a shop and watch other people and not think, "Well, gee I should have just stayed home rather than venture out with no one else to do it with" cause this is what a lot of people do, sadly. It's like they need permission to go out alone, like it's somehow odd or embarrassing. It might just be a smaller town thing. I suspect that in highly urban areas, folks are less reticent about going out alone, more confident which makes them seem usual so that it sort of normalizes itself. And, yo, people watching.

Done! ...with the chapter on lymph/immune. I am going to do the Respiratory tomorrow and then review the set. I cannot imagine that he is going to include all that much from this latest stuff seeing as we will scarcely have the time to go over it in any detail.

Colin was singing in the shower last night at one in the flipping morning. I think that I partially surfaced for a moment, long enough to wonder, "Can I hear singing?" and then I fell deeper into sleep. Apparently he kept people up... He said that it made him feel less uneasy. Aww, he's afraid of the dark. <3 He said that it was taking his mind off the potential for psycho killers to randomly get him in the shower. :S

I could cure him of that. ;D

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I was promised tea

April 2017

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about me

I'm a mad translator with a degree in Comp Lit and assorted languages. Writing a novel and studying violin. (The story has been flailing along for the past couple of years. I think that the Scrivener research file is larger than the actual text.)

I live with a rather naughty ginger cat. Is there any other kind?

I love tea, loose leaf teas, teas in sachets, all sorts of teas and COFFEE. The more legally, addictive stimulants, the merrier!

Music and books are my life. I basically live in a closet-sized library with a container garden. I occasionally sleep. <3

ivybellis ------> star_swan

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